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27.6.05

music is a global language which develops students both academically and personally. the study of music allows for the expression of emotion and imagination, the intellect and exploration of values. music is a subject where students develop a lifelong love for learning and they value the wealth of experience and knowledge gained through the study of this art form.

if music was a global language, why dont you understand it?
i'm your daughter. if i want to take a course, cant you be even slightly supportive?
and its not just any course; its something that'll replace humanities.
cant i take something that'll at least raise my interest slightly in school and learning?
instead of taking the same boring subjects, why cant i do something different?
why are you so unsupportive of everything i do? i'm your daughter and i'm different. take it or disown me.
bah.

9:58 PM;

Suga suga, how you get so fly?

23.6.05

how is it that after nearly ten days of separation, the blood in my veins still boils at the very mention of your name? my heart beats faster, my pupils dilate, my eye colour darkens to the color of hot coffee, and my fists clench. and i wonder how ten days can seem like ten months, i realise that i miss you. how was it that you could get into me so easily and make me crumble bit by bit? i couldnt think of anything but you, and i couldnt help it. even by forcing myself to think about something else, my mind still wandered back to you. you hurt me to the extent that i shed tears over you. and i dont cry easily; the only time i do is when God touches me, and when i'm really, really, wounded. well, i guess it happened.
what made you ignore me, what made you cheat on me, how did you make me love you by forcing fake love on me? and how did you make it so real that i believed you? thats not hard to do though, i believe anyone when they tell me anything vaguely believable.
its not how you did it; its why.
so help me God, to get over and get on with my life.
it'll be easier to pick up the broken pieces with You by my side.

when i come back, into the place where i love the most
my heart may feel broken, my soul abandoned by the Holy Ghost
but when He starts to heal me, i know thats all just a lie
i realise that He loves me too much to just let me die.

and i feel His warm touch healing my heart
that's when i know that He'll stay in there, never to depart
as i surrender to the feeling of acceptance overwhelming me
"God," i pray, "never leave me."

if only adam and eve had never sinned against You
then i would be with You forever, too
when i'm not with You i feel this hunger slowly killing me each day
i'm just crazed for You, what can i say?

how i love You.

6:21 PM;

Suga suga, how you get so fly?

16.6.05

i love you, i love you, i love you.

i'm sorry for everything i always do. i brush off your gentle admonishes, your loud complaints, even your care and love. i ignore it, and it must break your heart. i dont know how many times the words just burst out of my mouth, and i know it must feel like a whiplash. before i can rectify my words, you bite your lip, hold back the tears welling in your eyes and stride out of the room. i know then that i cant take back my words already. its just like the scene in monster in law where j.Lo slaps her mother in law and then says sorry. i'm sorry i slapped you sooo many times and then tried to take it back; i know i can never take my words back the moment they leave my lips. i just never knew what heartbreak felt like. i was that sheltered, and all the while i thought i was so exposed. i guess i was wrong.
the bible tells us to honor our father and mother.

when i brush my teeth with colgate toothpaste, i never let the taste touch my tongue. why? if it touches my tongue, i'll vomit repeatedly. its just too much for me to take. there was this time i swallowed half a tube of toothpaste deliberately, and next thing i knew, i was kneeling in front of the white porcelain toilet bowl emptying the contents of my stomach into it. the next day, my temperature rose to more than a hundred degrees farenheit. mint now drives me nuts.

8:28 PM;

Suga suga, how you get so fly?

13.6.05

chaos ruled in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the hooligans ignored him
his voice was lost in the din.

"the theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
i'm going to teach you a lesson,
one that you'll never forget."

he picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair.)

then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"first come, first severed," he declared
"fingers, feet or toes."

he threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun,
he continued with his game.

the first blast cleared the back row
where those who skive hang out
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's been pulled out.

"please may i leave the room, sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"of course you may," said teacher
then put the gun to his temple and fired.

the Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade

and when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air.

the teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
he wagged a finger severely
"now let this be a lesson," he said.

11:28 PM;

Suga suga, how you get so fly?

10.6.05

the last three days of emerge have been awesome! with talentime, God's Word, the amazing worship sessions, everything. its just been fantastic. the first day alone was so impactful. talentime and everything was great; finally got to see INFINITY's full act. and the unexpected was super hilarious. went for night session after that, and oh my gosh, the worship. i'd almost forgotten how it was like to fall on my knees at His feet and weep in awe and just worship Him because i love Him so much that my heart just swelled to an unnatural size below my ribs. and i remembered how much i loved Him, and i just renewed my love for Him there and then as tears streamed from my eyes and flowed down my face, i just told God how much i loved Him. i want to love Him for the rest of my life(:

my heart pounded as i reached for the phone
then i held it to my ear and dialled the number i knew so well.
a stabbing pain in my chest as i listened to the endless dial tone
i knew it was my heart shattering, i just could tell.

why wont you pick up my call
i keep telling myself i wouldnt cry
but then i stumble and fall
while i feel the familiar hot prick behind my eyes.

when will you say what you mean
and stop making use of me, it hurts too much
from the start i knew you werent so keen
i guess i made a big mistake, now it kills just to touch

i wish i hadnt started in the first place
i hadnt told you what i did
but it's too late to take words back when i throw them to your face
and i allowed you to hurt me like you did.

8:15 PM;

Suga suga, how you get so fly?

3.6.05

i dont know why i want a real baby gurl; (just see my wanna-s) but i dont know. like a baby sister or something would be nice, maybe just feeling the comfortable heaviness of a baby would be soothing compared to the hecticness, craziness and confusion i've been feeling, and some responsibility would be something to calm me down. i dont need chamomile, or any soothing scent or whatever.
super sian right now la. feel like going tanning. it's so hot now. perfect day for tanning, just gotta lather on the sunblock. but sharon said NO.. so i shall take her advice. i need to go get a new wallet. mine is falling apart. so.. yup. shall ask mel out later.
someone just told me who smashed the fire alarm in the school on tuesday night. hahas. and they said they'd call me out the next time they wrecked havoc. an interesting bunch of people.
i want new schoolshoes; the ones that are plain white. i shall draw on them and then wear them to school; the white canvas sneakers. or the hi-cut converse ones that are white on one side and graffitied on the other. all we have to do is press them together and its undistinguishable. interesting, huh?

blink 182-dammit

its alright / to tell me / what you think / about me
i wont try / to argue / or hold it / against you
i know that / you're leaving / you must have / your reasons
the season / is calling / and your pictures / are falling down

the steps that / i retrace / the sad look / on your face
the timing / and structure / did you hear / he f***ed her
a day late / a buck short / i'm writing / the report
on losing / and failing /when i move / i'm flailing now

and it'll happen once again i'll turn to a friend
someone that understands
sees through the master plan

but everybody's gone
and i've been here for too long
to face this on my own
well i guess this is growing up

well i guess this is growing up

and maybe / i'll see you / at a movie / sneak preview
you'll show up / and walk by / on the arm / of that guy
and i'll smile / and you'll wave / we'll pretend / its okay
the charade / it wont last / when he's gone / i wont come back

and it'll happen once again
you'll turn to a friend
someone that understands
and sees through the master plan

but everybody's gone
and you've been there for too long
to face this on your own
well i guess this is growing up

well, i guess this is growing up

well, i guess this is growing up.

2:41 PM;

Suga suga, how you get so fly?

2.6.05

finally thought of something to update with;
band camp.

010605.
mom sent me to school, then sat at the foyer staring into blank space waiting for people to come. after awhile. amirah&zenice, huiying, raymond, steve, blahblahblah... all came.. then because i was supposed to wait for hongjun because i had to pass him some stuff, waited until like 0745 until the ex-cos came down in their flops after breakfast and shooed us up to the bandroom. finally hong jun cam, gave him the stuff and went up. then had briefing and stuff. went to our dorm. then went down for band pract. we had a new piece, heatherwood portrait. "it can make people cry." after band pract was lunch. after lunch, some stuff then we had footdrills. quite ok. wenxiang took us. four sec2s; amirah, zenice, siti&me. learnt some new stuff. footdrill was quite fun. after footdrill we were all super stinky. ugh. so after we dismissed, we went to dorms, grabbed our stuff and went for showers. found out that a lot of people brought black tees. after that, we slacked in the dorm, and then had to go to bandroom for briefing of game. then zenice, amirah, hui ying and i went back up to the dorm which ms tok already locked cos we forgot to take some stuff. rushed down, she didnt relock the gate, whatever. so went into band room. then went to foyer, headcounted and then headed up the bus. we took bus to harbourfront for dinner. me, amirah, zenice and siti ate from delifrance. then sneaked a whole bag of chocolates into huiying's bag. thanks hui ying for helping us carry(: then we took bus to sentosa. had a short briefing and receiving of 'presents'. (our clue envelopes and lightstick bracelets.) oh btw, i was group leader (the only sec2 leader in all the four groups, the others were all sec3.) so gave number to ms tok. then had time to work out a strategy with our group about where to go first (yeah, a sort of telematch) and we figured go cablecar. so then we had to go.. ok. ran here and there. was super sweaty, got bitten by red ants, got wet, sandied, and everything. after that, we wanted to go back to school. then we found out that the last bus out of sentosa left at 10-plus and it was already 11 something. oh no! how? so ms tan arranged for our bus to come in and fetch us. then we went to west coast macs for supper. drank hot chocolate. BIG MISTAKE #1. it made me soooo sleepy. so then we went back to school. walked around and decided to wash up, and shower the next morning. changed into a fresh tee. smelled great after that because before packing, i adorned every single clothing item with perfume. XD ok. then we decided to go to hui ying's dorm to sleep. i was knocked out by one plus. lights out by one thirty. slept at nearly two.

020605
woke up at seven and went to take a shower with amirah, zenice and siti, felt much cleaner. then went for breakfast. after breakfast was band pract. during band pract i was supposed to go for ipw. so went BIG MISTAKE #2. in flops. susan wong chased me out of the bio lab and i had to go put on shoes. came down and realised i didnt have the word cards. going back next week. went back for band pract and then after that.. talktalk. end! went up to our dorms and packed up. break camp!

6:20 PM;

Suga suga, how you get so fly?